It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You're like the curious george of whores
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
