my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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