You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
