How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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