why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I've blown a few things in my day
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
