Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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