Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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