I've blown a few things in my day
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
