I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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