South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
