k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
