Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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