forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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