So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He better not be in your backpack
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
