He told me they were just razor bumps!
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
it's like heaven, but drunker
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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