Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
