does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
