Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
