in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
