I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
