kristin has been a bad kristin
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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