Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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