My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
So. Much. Porn.
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