I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
