I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Randomize
