he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
