it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
