YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
