Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
