sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
