we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
