I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
