I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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