You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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