You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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