just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
