How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I understand Curling. That high.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
