Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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