Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
