And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
