gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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