so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
id be glad to
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
