Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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