we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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