Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
A+ Viking dick
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
