just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
