I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
