I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
