new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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