All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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