I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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